Sunday, 12 April 2009

Sam's emasculation campaign brought to a end - BBC throws out wicker torture couch, Wayne Grady cries with joy

I’m glad to see there has been a change of furniture in the Augustsa BBC studio. For too long has the likes of Ken Brown and Wayne Grady been subjected to the emasculation of sharing the dreaded wicker sofa with alpha male Sam Torrance. Not content with putting them all to shame with a moustache unrivalled since the days of Magnum PI, Torrance has terrorised his co workers by taking the lions share of the sofa, spread-eagled with his legs akimbo, arm around the shoulder as his fellows sat cramped, knees together, crushed as much by their inferiority complex as Torrance’s room hogging pose.

It’s not Sam’s fault, a man needs ball-room, some need more than others and some have the balls to take it and they are usually the ones who need it. It’s become a sort of slang for someone who’s taking more than their share of the sofa in our house often hearing “Who do you think you are? Sam Torrance?” and occasionally it’s been used as a verb “Look at that poor chump, he’s getting well Torranced there”.

But his reign of terror has come to an end as the rest of them must have had a whip round, visited IKEA and got some individual seats where Sam can occupy as much space as he feels the need to without invading the personal space of those around them.

We can only hope that soon the BBC will ditch that other unnecessary lump of wood, Gary Lineker. For God’s sake there has to be someone in the BBC that can think of an intelligent comment to make about Golf to replace him with. Even Peter Alliss has come out and said that he’s crap. I‘m sure off air he often says it to his face. Each year I hope he’ll improve, now I just hope he gets removed.

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