I've been thinking - careful I hear you cry, thats dangerous - but I have been thinking - How, if it were ever possible could Tiger have effectively deflected the attention his very public car crash received. The holes in his story were so wide even he could have driven an Escalade through them. So what could he have done. He should have gone straight for leftfield, came up with an angle we'd have bought if not because it was beleivable then because it was so batshit crazy that it had to be true. To apply more spin than Tiger gets off a 60 degree lob wedge. Here's just a few ideas that just may have saved Tigers bacon...
Option 1 - Blame Steve Williams
Release a statement saying that Tiger was on the wrong end of probably the worst yardage reading Steve Williams had ever given but the Kiwi didn't stick around to take the blame. Having turned up trollied at Tigers thanksgiving do, Williams slurredly told Woods he had Seventy yards Tiger And after failing to spot the danger of the water hazard to the rear too.
Option 2 - Blame Steve Williams Jealous nature
Upon hearing rumours through the grapevine that Tiger had been seen around town with a new caddy, a jealous Steve Williams set out to destroy his potential rival. After long faithful years giving 100% to get his 10% Williams was not going to go quietly into the night. Hiring a team of specialist hitmen via a secure phomeline, he gave the oblique instructions to "Nobble Tigers new caddy". Taking the opportunity whilst secure in the knowledge Woods would be at his Thanksgiving dinner, the hired guns sneaked in and sabotaged his Escalade, mucking up the steering as well as rigging the windows to smash on impact just to piss Woods off. Upon hearing of the crash Williams and realising how terribly wrong he had been, Williams then took advantage of the false rumours about Rachel Uchitel and hired a series of ladies to make false rumours. A benovelent and over protective Woods, realising that Williams would face charges should the truth emerge decided to take the hit to ensure he has his main man on his bag come Augusta.
Option 3 -Blame EA Sports change of direction
The events of the past four days have in fact been an elaborate attempt to expand the incredibly successful Tiger Woods gaming franchise into the Grand theft auto Market. Play as Tiger Woods as he rides in his Escalade - he can't negotiate the driveway from hell, can you? Plans to offer gameplay as a golf club wielding Elin have been shelved due to the negative public reaction - hence Tigers denials of any physical violence taking place. Expect Tiger Woods 11 - "Playa" to be in stores next July.
I'm available for PR advice on a pro rata basis...